February 2, 2006
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it’s so long i suggest u copy and paste it into microsoft word and make the font bigger cuz the font is pretty small it mite hurt ur eyes to read it cuz its soooo longgg….
omg nuthin kan explain wut i’m feelin rite now… i gues i kind of kno its rong to have done what i did today…o and ur last few msg on aim, it wasnt that i was ignorin u btw, i jes wasnt there..u probably figured that out by now…before i tell u wut exactly happened, let me first get a few things straight…none of this is exaggeration so don’t think that i am just thinking about doing some of these things… i really wood have… i cried a lot today… and its more of my problems and my life and my crap and all diz mumble jumble..iun really kare if u want to read this or not..but jes in case u were curious…and also…i havnt and i probably wood never go emo.. so dun’t worriz bout that… i probably wood sound like an emo but i certainly wanna live…not that im skared of death either.. fer a fact now…im tryin to develop a new way to look at life…a way that… u cood say…just live it while u kan…disappointments come in life…its natural.. so accept disappointments as a part of life and move on.. deres no freakin way u can get a long without them…wuts more…if something happened that disappointed u… y whine about it if it won’t make it better? i mean seriously…if all that whining isn’t going to get back what u’ve lost..or retake the chance that u missed…or gain what u cood have gained… then wuts the point of whining? there is none…now the stuff that happened tonite went a lil far i guess cuz if u think about it the conflict is pretty stupid… but i jes had to see… and also make THEM see…i hope i havnt caught a cold….now heres wut happened… as u were askin me bout the list of ppo…my mom starts arguing with me to stop playing on the computer.. and i told her i wusnt… and then we keep arguing…. and then wut happens? well first of all… my dad recently maybe like couple munths ago told me that everytime im on the computer i have to write times down..like wen i get on and wen i get off…. like a guide so i can actually see the time i spend on the computer… hell i kno myself that i spend waYY to much computer…but anyway.. most of the time i get on i dunt even write the times becuz i usually dunt even remember ><… but the thing is… my mom is one of those ppo who are really narrow minded… and they dunt really want to change their opinions no matter how stupid it gets…. like they think one way and they stick to it…well anyway… danny once said that not a lot of ppo cood out talk me… btw u kno me well enuff by now that i guess (well i hope) that im not those kind of ppo who wood like to brag or nething… but anyway.. the reason i think danny says that isnt becuz i cood REALLY out talk ppo… but i guess i cood use logic really well and see the bigger picture…and the thing is…a lot of times… wen i argue wit my mom… my logic works fine.. and she just cant accept it….like here… she says im playing… i say im not… she dusnt believe me… fine… rite??….but then she argues how i cood be lying rite rite? all normal so far? then my answer wood be sum chit like…well… if u really think about it… if im doing my hw like REALLY doing it and not lying… u arguing with me wood just distract me… if by chance i wasnt and actually WAS playing games.. or wastin time… and u were tryin to cure me of that and tryin to get me off of that…i woodnt listen to u either way….so basically if i was doing my hw i woodnt listen to u… (meaning follow ur directions)…. and if i was wasting time i woodnt listen to u anyway….. soooo….. y talk? if either way no result will occur… deres no freakin point in speakin to me… yet she still talks and then we argue…and then wut happens?? my dad comes over rite… and GUESS WUT… he asks to see the “times” and then wut we start fighting…not physically.. he keeps tellin me to close my computer no matter if im in the middle of hw or wut.. he dusnt give a shit… we yellin at each other and everything… hes probably REALLY mad becuz im bein rude to my mom.. but thats okay with me…wut i’m really pissed at is that… y the HECK is he using an excuse such as the timesheet that i dunt write as an excuse to yell at my butt say i dunt respect his ass and also tell me to get off the freakin computer and he dusnt care about my hw and that i dunt have to do my hw nemore and wth… and then after that wen i try to tell him that the time sheet has nuthin to do with my mom tellin me not to play wen im really not playin… he gets more mad.. that the thing.. i told u bout my mom.. now i ‘ll tell u bout my dad… he has a REALLY short temper…see usually my dad is not like my mom.. u can actually reason with him.. help him see the bigger picture and give him logic.. and he’ll get it… but he has a short ass temper.. and wen he is PISSED off.. his logic goes even worse than my mom…he just starts abusin his power as dad….freakin serious… he starts yellin at me.. threatenin my internet sayin that hes gunna cancel it and shiz… but u kno wut… i really didn’t care at the time..i FREAKIN didn’t kare.. and i told him that… it wusnt bout the internet.. i didn’t really kare… i was just so mad that he wood let his anger control him and other stuff… then what… he says hes gunna take away all my internet and then he says that if im gunna be this way.. i dun’t have to freakin study no more.. ferget it.. dunt need to study dunt need no education… then he says i can get out… the thing is… many times b4 he also used the timesheet as an excuse for something totally different to punish me…. and he also told me to get out plenty of times b4… just i never do go out cuz its pretty obvious…so i guess he probably thot it wood be the same exact way.. but i had enuff.. i knew he truly in his heart didn’t want my ass to go out.. but i did go out… i freakin went out and walked to holly ave the skewl… haha yea…dere mascot is dolphins btw… but neway… i went there… and just ran through more logic in my head… freakin ay…all this happened becuz of wut?? my dad got pissed off so badly… i mean he asked me y i didn’t write it.. and then i said i keep 4getting… and then he starrts talkin bout respect.. and tells me to close my computer.. i tell him no… i havnt finished my hw… and then he starts ramblin on again.. then he freakin yells at me sayin its been 10 minutes and 5 minute intervals after thta until like 35 minutes later… that i STILL havnt closed the computer… and then wuts more is after that he got so mad he was tlakin bout cancelin my internet… what a nuthead.. duznt he not realize that the fight isnt over the computer.. over the internet? by this time i truly didn’t even care about the computer / internet no more… i freakin seriously.. didn’t care at ALL… so anyway at holly .. or on the way… i was thinkin… a mix o thots were goin on actually… i actually wanted to die… but not becuz of a way to escape all this frustration… on my on behalf i wood like to live… i truly do… i wood like to live a lot…the thing is… i wanted to die just so i cood shove it up their face… “look… u killed ur own son out of stupidity and anger, good job.. high five^5″l but i didn’t but i figured i’ll stay outside for a freakin while… i wuz hopin for late am’s to make them worried as fudge.. maybe even fer a day… but i figured that wood be too late cuz then they probably wooda called the police by then…i also started thinkin bout leavin the town and start living my own life… by myself… not braggin again.. but i really think i cood do it… it woodn be that hard… jes need to go bak home and get my FREAKIN cellfone and my stash of munny ._. …but wut also kame across my mind were my friends ><.. i really didn’t want to leave them.. ne of them actually… and i thot bout it and i kried.. sum more…unbelievable huh…it wuz “okay” cold… but then i went to the cafeteria… i was like… dayam i dunt wanna stay awake if im gunna stay away from home for a while… besides… i wasnt that mad nemore.. i jes wanted to make them see…. freakin blindasses… see how important i wuz to them… and that they truly didnt want me out… obviouslly…and i was also a little miffed… cuz i shuda brought my fone… talk to friends to kill time… or atleast chill at someone’s house until some time… cuz it was pretty cold… but only “okay” cold cuz i wasnt wearing very little.. but it wasnt a lot either… so i decided to sleep or try to… i knew i wood wake up later in the evenings b4 morning anyway… becuz dats jes the way i am… if deres sumthin undone or needs to be done.. i wood wake up even without an alarm… dats y sumtimes i dunt sleep with an alarm.. and i wake up in time to finish my hw.. amazin huh….anyway… i fell asleep and then i woke up at i didnt relaly kno the time.. but by the time i got bak it was 1:30 so i figured i woke up bout 1:15… am…. it was DAYAM cold.. so i went home….rite wen i wuz in front of my neighbor’s house i saw a car comin out of my house.. i knew they were probably goin out to look for me… my dad atleast… so i hid behind the bushes until he left.. then walked round the house thinkin.. cuz u kno… its hard enuff to summon enuff courage jes to face them again.. so i knocked on the door and went inside to find that it was 1:30… and no more yellin.. my dad kame bak.. .but they didn’t say sorry either.. but thats okay… i wuz partly rong too… but i didn’t say sorry either.. but i wuz still pissed cuz they STILL didn’t fuggin see… i mean seriously… they were still tlakin bout the freakin internet and computer…. wen my dad kame bak… i mean get a grip…. so anyway… they let me bak on the computer to finish my hw.. (they didn’t close it since i left)…i figured i better type this up while i remeber everything…y0u really didn’t have to read all this…i guess its really stupid that i ran away.. but i was sooooo pissed off >< i really wanted to seriously leave town…again… i’m not exaggerating… freakin leave town.. bekum successfull or sumthin.. shove it up their face wen they read the newspaper.. or atleast come bak wen im successful to shove it up their face..still wooda hab to sneak bak… i didn’t hab time to get my fone or stash… not even my keys.. which if i got i cooda snuck in sooner or later to get my fone and stash….but then the thot of leavin my friends wuz really bad..so yea.. now u have a bigger picture of who Bryan is… if u really read it.. iun really kare once again if u did or not… this post really is jes here so i can remeber it wen i’m old and stuffies… its ur choice on how u wanna think bout me..And no.. i’m not that krazy.. or emo… watch.. u probably wunt even think anything happened until u kame home after skewl and read this stuff… truthfully…wen i’m in a bad mood… usually i look fine.. and i can also just forget about it and chill at skewl and ppo think nuthin’s rong… the only reason that once in a while u see me in a bad mood at skewl literally… is more like cuz i jes want ppo to kno u kno? i guess its pretty bad.. but its my way to let ppo kno im havin a bad day and just dun mess wit me ><, but i really do it on purpose… that stuff i cant do naturally u kno? no matter how bad the day wuz or is… i cood 4get bout it in a second wen im talkin to ppo or i see sumone i kno or sumthin…. i do it on purpose i guess cuz sumtimes wen sumthin bad happens i sorta feel evil… and wanna pass it on… thats y that other day.. i kinda ignored a lot of ppo.. i wuz really feelin evil… but i really didn’t hate u guys or nething ><…well this post is huge…y0u DUNT HAVE to read it ._. its ur choice
thx tho.. i feel better wen i talk to u…even if u dunt read it and just type automated responses every 10 seconds. jk jk
thx many! i feel lotz better..
~bryan
